Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
