My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
