I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
