I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
