Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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