The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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