he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
