its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
