Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
