Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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