I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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