I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
