No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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