Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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