...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
