Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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