I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
