I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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