aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
