Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
