The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
