I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
