it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I AM VODKA MAN
Dick very happy bro
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
