Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
