Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
