His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
