census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
