Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
