I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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