I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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