yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
