Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
should my penis look like a turkey
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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