It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
