Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
