he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
