I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
