Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
