I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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