sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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