the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
