It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
