Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
