I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
