i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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