Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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