life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
