i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
