Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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