First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
