whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
