the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
