Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
