my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
