I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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