I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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