Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
