if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
